Sanskrit, that ancient and most excellent of languages, has 108 words for love. What happened to the Anglo Saxons? Is this one of the reasons we find it difficult to express love? With only one word, it follows that the thought form is so narrow that our ability to be heart-expansive is not easily achieved. To some degree, we are all feeling thus during this Venus Retrograde period. (See Astrology Notes for Aug. 11-18)
When we think of love, for the most part we assume it is loving another. But there is a love that must precede that which is Self love. If we had a separate word for that, we might understand and do it better. Because the assumption of love moves to partnering, many feel a judgment in being selfish when trying to deeply care for Self. It is a hard learning curve for the most part, but now is the time to do it. The Universe stands behind us.
One of the most onerous tasks of self love is keeping my word to me. I have grown to comprehend the depth of destruction that takes place when I break my word to myself. I feel a sad fall from grace. Caroline Myss calls keeping our word a ‘sacred contract.’ Indeed they are sacred. For broken trust blasts the shelter of well-being like nothing else. Dreams go straight to requiem, and flesh is raw. If there is redemption, and there is, it’s that broken shards of shredded trust tear up the soil, turning it over in preparation for new seed. If faith can be re-funded, revenge dis-engaged, and apathy re-tooled, then planting commences.
Fear of not trusting creates a profound animal woundedness. It is no small or easy thing to heal these hidden scars for they demand extra attention and loving care. These ‘unconscious’ broken contracts with self are the most painful and difficult because we no longer trust ourselves. We become hesitant to commit, and lose our radiance, we lose our fertilizer and passion, the stanky zest of risking. We stand on barren ground, longing for a harvest that is not possible. Perhaps we are trying, but that meagerness reveals an inability for full-hearted commitment.
How many words for love do you know? Can you find one more? Who knows the way in? What guides you through your fear to safety, then risk? Who heals the healer that is thou? In what shape are your ‘sacred contracts?’ How trust-worthy can you grow? At this New Moon, in Leo, aligned with a Venus retrograde, there is no more perfect pursuit than turning over these heart-soil questions.
“Always go with the choice that scares you the most, because that’s the one this is going to require the most from you.” Caroline Myss