As an adult, every Practice I have chosen, or that has chosen me, has been working to bring balance to the chaotic, adventurous, off-kilter drama of an extreme childhood. Somehow I had never noticed the subconscious efforts to re-align until this moment. Some of my choices to become more adult were not random, others– very haphazard, as in ‘why do this?’ Or better, ‘how can I possibly do this?’
Seen from this long corridor of time, there is realization of the great inner need for a sustaining, quiet, balanced platform from which to dive into life, especially the creative life. Perhaps a person, grown in an over-quiet, un-emotional home needs to have chaos and drama woven into his adult life? I used to think, if I thought about it at all, that creativity was spawned from drama, chaos, and wild adventures. Not so, or at least not for me. Drama certainly supplies a well from which to drink, but if that’s all there is you end up drunk. Drama is an expensive habit.
I see that the Saturnian requirements of a Practice, any good Practice, have come to serve me and save me, and send me toward abundance, not boredom as previously assumed. ‘What! do the same thing over and over until it’s right?’ The basics of discipline I dance with, around, from, and to every day. For like any good addict, I struggle with a wild-self, an un-tamed melody that does not fit into the greater composition. I am still drawn to the cymbal/siren sound of chaos and drama, but in much smaller doses. The price is too high.
Any ‘long view’ gives opportunity to see where we stand in the arc of life. What we did not get in childhood, we unconsciously, or consciously seek through partners, jobs, children, hobbies, and….Practices. Perhaps we would embrace our disciplines sooner, and with more joy, if we could comprehend the emptiness they fill.
Asana: Do the Pose or poses that feel most balancing, especially for the emotional body.
Health Notes: Remember that Ayurvedically every healing recommendation is to bring us to balance, to fill the missing elements. Not only once we are ill, but to prevent illness.