The holidays are a hard time to feel bankrupt, either financially or emotionally. The wallet is supposed to be fat and heavy, and the emotions full to over flowing. Any kind of bankruptcy is viewed as failure, adding to the struggle of refunding and stockpiling energy. We lie defenseless and broken, far too vulnerable for holiday mayhem and frivolity.
The power in being bankrupt, is that what is left when all is lost, is true essence. This alchemical substance of bare bones is our success. It is our failure. In their nitty-gritty is the formula of the next success. In that belief lies the power to refund Grace.
To rebound and fill the coffers, to reignite the sizzle, becomes an unknown healing journey. Before we can feel joyous abundance, or grab the sword to cry, “No Surrender,” we must put our broken bits back into place. Some of that difficulty is that they do not adhere in the old way. They need a stronger glue that will contain a transformed vessel, one of wider perception, deeper resolution, and greater courage.
I am on intimate terms with the gifts of failure. I have failed far more than I’ve succeeded. But in this process I have begun to embody the empowering practices of: faith, stubbornness, humor, resoluteness, loyalty, kindness, and awareness. Plus I know where and how to punch the reset button. When depressed, it doesn’t matter if you know how, it’s finding some ineffable spirit to help you punch in. I’m waiting for her, feeling she may arrive with the ‘re-set’ of the New Moon.
Living with the ebb and flow of Lunar cycles is an emotionally intelligent reminder of renewal. Standing under an invisible New Moon, when she is bankrupt of light, watching her show up, no matter what, then observe her evolving to take on new light, transforming, and re-discovering herself as she travels vast landscapes of the sky, tells me I will once again grow radiant. My cycle this holiday will not glitter and glam as before, but with time, when the Moon grows full, I shall feel my resilient light walking out into a new landscape, willing to answer the unknown.