Inspirations: Loss

Becoming Astronomers

Andrew Harvey writes, “Man is the astrolabe of God, but it requires an astronomer to know the astrolabe.” When Harvey asks us to become astronomers it is so we may know, and reflect the cosmos. We possess this incredibly delicate and precise instrument that can measure and understand every layer of being, but we’re not using it. We don’t know how. We are untrained. We are perfectly capable of becoming astronomers, of seeing layers of divine movement through soul and infinite space. We do this by penetrating Self, by de-mystifying feelings and behavior. In this work of perceiving and penetrating our core, we understand, even illuminate the cosmos. We see that illness and health are the same coin, that you and I are one, made multiple, that life and death are polarities of a single thread. All life holds and reflects ‘the other,’ as moonlight in the night. It is very American to view death not only different than, but opposed to life. We fight dying with every terrified muscle. If we don’t struggle with physical death, perhaps it is a psychic blow, or physical changes that obliterate a known life. How do we reconcile and recover from that magnitude of suffering and loss? moving from one level of existence to another is an enormous threshold to cross. Now is a fine time to become a practitioner, fine tuning our astrolabe, becoming a soul-astronomer. We all strain under the intensified energies of the cosmos, and many are already in full paradigm shifts. Those that aren’t, must stand steady to help others make the leap. Our job is to polish the glass, enjoy seeing the cosmos open to our widening perceptions, and hold our instrument with love and sensitivity. Asana: Marichyasana I, this is a pose dedicated to Marichi, grandfather of… Read more »

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What Remains

I wrote this ‘Breath’ for a couple of long standing, who are enduring the death of one. I felt myself in their place, in their depth of love and loss. I wept with the carelessness of my loving, my wonton assumptions that it/we/I would always be wonderfully thus. Now this letter is for all of us that we may hold our hearts more mindfully, purposefully, as beacon’s of desire to be present for the gift of loving. This Valentine’s is on a new moon day with a mandate to carry what and who really matter deeply into the matrix of our choices, to make decisions to love wisely, creating and following heart’s desires, no matter what. I write to remind myself that these days of glory will not come again. Forgive my leaving. Forgive my pretending life, in facing unspeakable death. Forgive every moment lost to fully loving you. Forgive my not knowing we would run out of time. Forgive my breaking heart. I ask you…do not carry me forward as I am in this moment; broken, ill, inept. Rather, see me lifted as a fiery baton, swirling mad circles, or a flag, wiggled and free with wind. When you see a parade march by, I am the drum-major’s beat pumping the oomPaPa, What remains of these years coroneted by our love is up to you. For my part, I take with me shared meals built sacred by quiet hours of Grace, my chair just so to yours. My cup, your cup, filled with daily nectar, sipped patiently, unknowingly, through sharp words, silly ideas, and tender smiles. We drank all we could. We did all we knew how. How can regret remain? As last moments drip down, one by one, we splurge, spending and shaping each one for eternity, almost… Read more »

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‘Obsession’ has become merely an expensive perfume, whereas in the good old days, it connected us to the persuasions of the devil. “Impelled by evil spirits” was one of Webster’s explanations for being obsessed. Perhaps in becoming modern the devil loses its teeth? Or, has it sunk them into our soft necks where we daub perfume’s vanity? Be it devilish, or vain, it is time to be obsessed about something; a dream, a cause, a vision, and find some serious teeth to sink into it. The trick is to not be obsessed by an outsider, as in ‘the devil made me do it,’ rather from within. It is the moment to be driven by desires that turn us toward what we love and believe in. We must be obsessed to ‘dream the impossible dream,’ then like Quixote, pursue our Dulcinea, (our sweetness) tilting with every windmill in the way. We are riding an emotionally and economically desiccated period, and obsession is such an extravagant energy. Like salmon, we have to fight against the river drying up, and persevere to plant eggs and dreams. In times of fear, there is frugality, or vice versa, and in that fear grow moldy questions: “Will I be enough?” “Will I have enough?” “If I fail, will I lose what I have?” With that contraction, failure knocks. Personally, I’d rather be obsessed than fearful. I’d rather be gnarly with mis-placed courage, than mewly. I’d rather let tears break open my heart of dreams than sit in the dark and hope the devil don’t find me. You? Asana: Purvottanasana/Front Body Stretch Pose. Sit, bring the feet in, hands on floor by hips, fingers toward the feet. Take a breath, pushing down through palms and feet, lift body up, forming a long bridge head to toe. Make… Read more »

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